Saturday, February 27, 2010

So where have I been?

Well, the obvious answer to that question is not here, not writing about Pop, not trying to keep people involved and updated on his progress. The sad truth of it is that there is no progress. The chemo finished months ago and even though the cancer has appeared to "go away" and Pop no longer has any pain (that he's telling us) in his back any longer. However, the doctors have found no conclusive evidence in the follow up tests the cancer is actually gone. They have all come back "inconclusive."

So even though we here on Flax Rd are working off the old standby "no news is good news," we have in all effect lost Pop. He no longer shows any interest in doing anything with his radios or emails or even the crosswords on some days. If you ask him about his radios he will either tell you, "Oh yeah, I go down there every once and a while and tinker a bit," (which is an outright lie) or as he told me the other day, "I don't feel like it, I'm tired, I just wanna sleep these days" (which is just outright heartbreaking).

Nowadays, Pop's schedule consists of eating and sleeping. Literally. He gets up for breakfast, sneaks back in the bedroom, wakes up for lunch, and as soon as Nana turns her back he sneaks right back into the bedroom, wakes up for dinner and usually asks if he's had lunch, and on a good day he'll do a crossword and watch some television with Nana. Bed, chair, bed, chair, bed.
Its been hard for me to start up writing again because its hard to have to sit down and face what I have to write about. The cancer is gone, but so is everything that I remembered about my grandfather. His vibrancy, his silliness, his passion. Every once and a while - when company comes over mostly - he shines through again and its easy to pretend for a while the old Pop is back in action.

For instance, last Friday at the bi-annual celebration of the Politi birthdays, Pop had a grand ole time swinging his cane wildly and hitting the balloons someone brought. He also took great pleasure in blowing vigorously on the party favors - he alternated between little tunes and morse code. He had a blast until he got up too fast from the table and took a tumble backwards. He landed on his bottom and was not seriously injured, but sadly it put a damper on the party and reminded us all that he is more fragile than any of us want to really acknowledge.

Such as it is, we shall continue to muddle through as we've been doing every day and I will continue to keep this updated for you lot. Until tomorrow...

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